LDKBox

Do what you say and say what you do.   These words are the sum of my philosophy of life.  I am having problems living with those words this date.   It is all because of a calendar, a telephone call, and a conversation with a doctor.   I hate having to do things that I do not like to do.  Consequently,  I have a three day old beard, my lawn does not get mowed enough, and I do not wash my vehicle as often as I should.   There are also things like paying interest on loans, paying for sin taxes, and the local raffles and fund-raisers that my son brings home from school in his homework packet that are on my list as well. 

This morning I had a conversation with a nurse who was instructing me on the  procedure I would have in the  hospital here in Killeen tomorrow morning.  She asked the reason why I was having the procedure?  This is where my problem with my philosophy of life is getting a little hitch in the get-a-long.  Why AM I having this procedure???!!!  I hate procedures.  In fact I do not have much good to say about the word itself much less the predicament it puts me in tomorrow morning.  I am making this decision under duress.  It is because of a Dr. in the Army who diagnosed my cancer.  He asked me, “Are you ready for the fight of your life?”  I do not know how many times I have lamented over how cavalier my answer was at the time.  “I will do what ever it takes to beat the cancer.”  I said this as I stood up an shook his hand.   Looking him straight in the eye trying to see if he noticed just how big a BS artist I really was.   But I said it, I remember it, and I am living it.  I am hating my philosophy right about now.  How wry is that?

A few day earlier I had received a phone call from the hospital.  In my mind I knew I should not answer the call.  We have caller ID through our TV connection so I knew who was calling.  I answered it any way.  After being informed of the kind of procedure I remembered that this was scheduled months ago.    I have had this procedure before.  I am well aware of the process.  At this point I think the reader may see my problem with the philosophy thing.  I hate doing things that I do not like to do.  This procedure rates right up there in the top  five things that I have done in my life that I do not want to do again.  But I said I would attend, I remembered saying I would attend, and I am living…to attend.  I am hating my philosophy on life right about now.  How wry is that?

When I hung up the phone I had a few tempestuous moments devising a way to get out of this situation.  I happen to be at home alone at the time.  Ellen was out and about.  Kellen was outside playing with his friends.  I pondered not telling anyone about the procedure.  Hey, I have forgotten other as important items.  I could say I forgot.   Aas I often do I got up to break my concentration by pouring a fresh cup of coffee.  With the coffee cup in hand I stopped to let the dog out of the kennel before sitting back down to the kitchen chair.  After releasing the hound I turned and gazed at the calender hanging on the wall.  There it was on the calender.  7:00a.m. on the twenty fifth of August.  So much for the scam that I had been formulating in my head.  I wrote it, I remember writing it, and I am living…while I write it.  I am hating my philsophy on life right about now.  How rye is that?

It goes without saying that I need to consider the Ten Commandments, the Bible, and even the laws of our land when considering a pholosphy on life.  I couldn’t write the Ten Commandments as I learned them in Vacation Bible School oh those so many years ago. .  I cannot qoute the verses of the Bible that I have heard and read.  I cannot quote laws by statute either.  What I do know is the difference between fair and unfair.  I do know that you need to be smarter than the box.  I do know that you need to see what you are looking at.  I tell my son  everyday that if you have to lie about something you probably should not be doing it.   If it is not yours do not touch it.  Now I think that, “Do what you say and Say what you do”, covers almost everything for my son of 8 years.  What would make me think that it would not suffice for me?   All I can say is the devil made me do it. 

So I will be at the hospital tomorrow morning.   I will  have that procedure even though I do not want any part of it.  All because of a calender, a telephone call,  a conversation with a doctor and my philosophy of life… ”Do what you say and Say what you do”  It would appear that my philosophy of life is not as wry as it would seem…eh??

Comments (0) Aug 25 2009

I completed a conversation with a long ago friend of my youth yesterday evening.  When I hung up the phone I felt as if I had just left the physical prescence of that individual.  When hanging up the phone I was feeling very connected.  Roots comes to my mind.  Good roots.  Roots back to my very first memories.  Usually that is the province reserved for family.   Few friends are given tickets to this show.  There are…I am happy to write… a select few that make the show.  Now don’t go thinking that I am an elitist.  I most certainly am not.  I am sure that there are friends in all of  the readers lives that have made it into their inner circle.  Friends that start from no where and end up some where on our life’s charted course.  I am talking about a friend who is a friend because they are… and always have been… there.  As if they were family. 

In the course of the conversation we reminisced aboutold times.  About the music and laughter.  The memory of how we felt at the time.  Both of us coming to the realization that what we remember does not necessarily show the real feelings of the individual at the time.  Suffice it to say we both put on a good front.  I mentioned how frightened I was whenever I would sing alone.  Still am for that matter but not as much as I once was.  Then my friend mentioned her part in this memory.  She could not find the ending notes.   She stated to me, “I was so embarrassed.”  I said, “No one knew except for her.”  I was there…I did not know…?  She said the same thing to me about my being frightened. 

It is these memories that make the people that we become.  It just so happens that this friend has always been there.  Arguably out of site but not out of mind.  I remember years back seeking her out to say hello.  Heck,  maybe it was a chance meeting on a street but I do remember talking with her on a street corner and getting all the lowdown in thirty seconds or less.  I left that meeting  a happy man.  It is funny how,  when you need to know something, how little one really needs to feel satisfied.  What was I going to change?  Nothing of that I am sure that we can all agree.  At least at that moment. 

I spoke of roots, family, and friends earlier.  These roots start in the womb of our mother.   Family continues the growth of our roots.  The interaction of friends through our lives is part of our roots as well.  These roots are our foundation in life.  A foundation of trust.  I am lucky.  My family is a trustworthy bunch.  I lucky in my friends as well.  I have implicit trust with my phone friend.  She has introduced to me a voice of reason and kindness.  A voice of patience and goodness.  this voice happens to be her significant other.  Without regard to that aspect I know that I would feel the same about this individual simply because my roots(i.e. my Friend Ruth) said he was a good guy.  I guess this is God’s natural way of networking.  Networking on a foundation of trust spread through the roots of our life.  Using the memories of our life to know who and what to trust. 

I am glad that my friend introduced me to a new voice.  He sounded very trusting.

Comments (0) Aug 24 2009

I have this friend….

That I talk to about the everyday things of life.   I have this friend….That smiles at every traffic light…  I have this friend…that makes the best chicken dumplings.  I have this friend…that makes something out of nothing.  I have this friend… that has encouraged me through the years.  I have this friend… that helped me fight my fears.  I have this friend…who has two green thumbs.  I have this friend… who rumbles when he runs.  I have this friend that is good.  I have this friend…that thinks trouble is just fun.  I have this friend… 

and the story continues… to all of you.  The readers…My friends.

 Since I am a thought based blog rather than a topic based blog I tend to think as I write.  This morning is no different than any other.  My idea came to me after trying to continue my makeshift poem written above.  It was written with the thought all my friends have one thing in common.  They all, whether willing or unwilling, provide something to my life that makes it better.  I do not see these people everyday because of life’s design.  We all are traveling our paths and have managed to intersect for a period of time.  One of the things that reminds me of my Mother is the saying, “This too shall pass.”  Well,  we may have passed but that does not mean that they are forgotten.

When pouring a cup of coffee this a.m. I thought of a friend, Warren,  that I was chumming around with in Fairbanks during the  pipeline  construction boom of the 70′s.  It is not cold outside but not really comfortable to just sit around either.  As it happens we are broke.  Don’t have a home.  Sleeping out of a car near a railroad crossing.  Out of town and away from meddling city policeman.  So we decided to stop in at a cafe to warm up.  We sat at the counter and awaited the waitress to bring us a glass of water.  She didn’t.  Instead she asked, “Why so forlorn boy’s?”  My friend did not know how to answer.  I am sure he was thinking…what does forlorn mean?  I told her strait up that we were interested in warming up inside the restaurant.  She nodded and returned with a cup of coffee for the two of us.  She must have realized that we were broke when she saw us counting coins that lay on the counter in front of us to come up with the money for the coffee.  A few minutes later eggs and bacon arrived on plates set before us.  My friend and I protested…”But we did not order this!”  She said. I know.”  As she lay the plates in front of us.  “You are hungry…right???  Your breakfast is on me.”   A prouder man may have declined.  My friend and I are not of that ilk.  We ate a very good breakfast, warmed up, and enjoyed the moment. 

Soon after being served breakfast the cafe became inundated with the  new patrons because the city’s local bars had closed.  We stayed for a while.  But it finally came time to go.  We did go back and have a few meals at that resturaunt over the rest of the summer but unfortunately we never became friendly with this gal.   I am sure that this woman had done this kind of thing many times over in her life.  At least I hope so! 

You see… I would not want someone to miss the experience of a random act of kindness from a stranger.  These acts make that stranger a friend.   At the time of the free meal in the cafe on 1st Avenue in Fairbanks during the pipeline boom of the 70′s,  I do not think I saw the value in the same light as I do today.  All I know is… I have often experienced random acts of kindness.  I have tried to continue that experience with others I meet.   I am lucky to be here remembering.  I am lucky to have friends and the random acts of kindness that came from them.

Comments (0) Aug 18 2009