LDKBox

I was diagnosed in February 07. Stage IV carcinoma of the tongue. I do not know the names of the stuff I took. But I had chemo and radiation at the same time. The first, third, fifth, and seventh week with chemo. Two bags of fluid each day while in treatment. I guess I was lucky that the chemo never made me sick. The radiation went well until the last two days  when my skin fell off and remained a raw open sore for over two weeks.

I went home after the treatment thinking that now I could get on with my life. Unfortunately that has not been the case for me. I am still mixed up. Easily distracted. Concentration is fleeting. Listless and lethargic.

The treatment were, at the time of my initial diagnosis, easy. I did not lose a lot of weight either using a food peg. It wasn’t until after the treatment that my problems began. Swallowing for me was non-existent for me for over a year. Aside from water and medication I did not swallow or eat anything. I had terrible phlegm that just did not end. I carry a can to spit into. It is terrible and nasty looking but since I had so much of it I had to do something and swallowing the stuff was impossible.

My voice has been effected. I used to be a baritone and now I am a squaker. Hey…I can talk. that is all that matters..right?

All the treatments can be very debilitating but the after effects were way more than I would have ever imagined. Almost three years cancer free and it is work for me to type this post. I still have a hard time concentrating. Desire has seemed to leave me. I should be glad that I am alive but I just don’t care. This is not the way that I was pre- cancer.

I want me back. I just don’t seem to be able to find him. I certainly don’t recognize the person I am now as normal. At least when I compare what I once felt like to what I feel like now. Is all of this stuff worth it? Just ask my nine year old and he will answer, “Affirmative!!”

I want anyone who is taking treatment for cancer to not think that just because you are through with treatments it does not mean that the healing process is over. No one told me that I would get sicker and weaker for three or four months. No one told me that it would be 18 months before I would swallow food. Of course I did not ask either. I assumed. Boy was I wrong.

I see so many cancer survivors out there doing good works and being active. I on the other hand have to plan my day so as not to over exert myself and have enough energy to take my son to weekly Boy Scout meeting. I used to work seven days a week 12 to 16 hours a day in camps on the oil fields of Alaska. Now I cannot even mow my lawn with out taking a break. When done with the lawn so am I.

I am cancer free. I spent a year thinking that once the cancer was gone that I would get better. Thank goodness I found a doctor who started treating me rather than the cancer. Going though a cancer factory can be intimidating. Have a doctor that will treat the entire person is probably my most important advice to anyone heading into treatment. I wish that I had known that going into treatments rather than wait as long as I did.

Comments (0) Nov 05 2009