LDKBox

2010 is looming as December 2009 draws its last breath and things I have to look forward to have come to the fore.  Memories are the first thing that come to mind.  As in what lays a head?  Will they be life enhancing or will it be detrimental?  Memories of the past often are signs of the future.  So is it against the law to begin a memory before it starts?  Well,  if that it is wrong I am going to try and change that law.  Why can’t events in my life have a planned purpose?  It would seem that taking an active part in my future prior to experiencing it would be a good thing?  Indeed it would!  Good idea…eh?

Hey,  I have had a lot of good ideas.  I remember back in 1983 having a need for a cover ( this is before tonneau covers that are ubiquitous now)on my truck bed to protect boxes which contained milk meters that I used to test milk production of area dairy herds for DHIA(Dairy Herd Improvement Association).  I used some plywood which I painted, a piano hinge, a few 2×4′s, and some wood screws that I had at the farm.  Simple and rudimentary,  yet it did serve my purpose.  It was a prototype.  All of my friends laughed at me when I placed it on my brand new truck.   Especially after I ran into a ditch during a snow storm in January 1984 on an Iowa farm road where it remained in the ditch.  Essentially becoming firewood and not to be resurrected again.  OK… I said it was a good idea.  So what if it was a bad prototype.

That memory is something that I can use for the future.  I need to go about building a prototype of my future.  (OK, readers this is not a new idea… of that I am fully aware)    Visualize it and it can become a reality.  Like the prototype afore mentioned memory of a future can be built but it is built from need and not experience.  Many years did I dream of the future.  Each season I made the trek to the union hall to  find the job that would supply me and my family with the needs of the upcoming year.  I knew my limits so my expectations became real the more experienced that I became in the construction trade.  I had tangible experiences to make reference to how life could be for me and my family.

As a cancer survivor my future tends to be more immediate.  Much to my detriment, unfortunately.  It is hard to visualize a future with out the tangible experience.  I remember trying to get over the anxiety created when I had to wait for a friend who was on an airplane that was delayed.  Nothing I could do about it but I still obsessed over it  I also remember being asked a question and coming apart at the seams while having no understanding as to why it was bothering me.  I remember being so happy completing my treatments and heading home.  A week later I remember collapsing in my home for no apparent reason other than weakness.  Non of these are good for future dreams others than to have to worry about any of these maladies coming to a head again some time in the future.  I must add one last note…I did make it.  That is a good thing!!

Which brings me to the point of today’s little blog.  On the 12th of January I go to  San Antonio, Texas to have a Pet/CT scan to find out if I am still cancer free.  I likened  this trip to my seasonable trip to Alaska.  It is an experience that has been a positive for me.  The journey that cancer has given me has few bad memories.  There was pain, fear, and trepidation.  Although none of them a good thing.  Now as a memory it gives me strength in knowing that I have had a good run so far.  I can use the positive memories the many Pet/CT sans that I have had in the past and make it a tangible good experience. Although the physical pain is gone now I can still have fear and trepidation just like I had done so many years when I would trek to Alaska. I know my limits.  I need to maintain my faith in God.  My expectations have become real.  So it is my expectation that the tests will remain positive.

The last thing to mention in this blog is the fact that no matter the outcome I have faith that God will lead me through the needs and the experiences and be better for it.

Comments (0) Dec 28 2009