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A friend of mine had an uncomfortable day recently.  At least that is the import of a recent post on a popular Internet site.  Making a decision to leave a job has ramifications to your economy, health, and emotional state.  I completely stand behind my friend in her decision to leave her job.   Although I have not had a personal conversation with her nor have I had any other communication other than the Internet site already mentioned,  it would be my best guess that this decision was not made without some considered thought prior to her action to leave her job. 

Of  course that brings to mind the comment that I made to her about leaving her job.   I told her that she made the right decision in so many words.  I also told her that until I married my wife Ellen I had quit every job that I ever had.  Very few of them took a lot of thought when I made the decision to quit.  I remember telling one boss from years ago that I would stay until it was not fun any more.  Considering that the job was as a hired man on a farm really does place me in a rare bunch.  I enjoyed working on a farm.  I did not mind the smells, dust,  or bugs.   I do draw the line on critters but if I left them alone they left me alone.   As I look back on it there was a whole lot of work.  Physical demanding work.  The kind that makes a man of my age cringe as to the energy that it took to do all of the things that were required of me.  I still managed to sow a few wild oats and I do not think that I was ever late or quit early because of those wild oats days either. 

That brings to mind my thought that the right decision does not necessarily need to be made after considered thought.  I spent 18 months working my tail off and had a good time everyday.  Sure there were things that I did not like to do.  Doesn’t every job have those individual quirks?  I went ahead and did them because they needed to be done.  One has to make a decision as to what is fun and what is not.  That last statement is the way that I judged practically every job that I quit.  When it is not fun….Stop!! 

I wonder how much different my life would be if I had employed good judgement in my life instead of the fun doctrine?  Did good judgement lead me to Alaska after I quit a job in Minnesota?  No… I had $1000 dollars, a wife, and my Dad’s car(I left the car in Iowa).    So we decided to move l to my sister’s house in Alaska and get a job.  I did not have a job..mind you… just that I would get a job(OH,  how I love the positiveness of youth).  How about the time that I did not take a job.  Now that was some good reasoning.  A fellow that knew my sister thought that I would be a good candidate as an apprentice plumber.  With the idea that after apprenticeship… I would be able to handle the plumber’s retail store while this individual would concentrate more on his mechanical contracts with other building contractors.  I remember telling my wife that I did not see myself as the guy that wants to go and clean out someones toilet.  It turns out that this plumber became a major mechanical contractor in Southeast Alaska and he wanted me on his team to build his little empire.  I turned him down and ended up being a dirt head in  building site excavation  and road construction.  Bouncing on iron in inclement weather for weeks at a time in a construction camp often north of the arctic circle away from friends, home, and family.  Yaaa buddy…I sure was having some fun.  ?!!! 

Now that I have retired from all of that fun I must admit that most everything would have been different in my life had I used good judgement in making those life changing decisions.   Sure I could have applied myself in high school and actually learned Algebra, Geometry, and Calculus.  I could have beat both Bill Gates and Al Gore in designing a computer and the way of the Internet.  But that did not happen.  Good judgement or not it is what it is.  I certainly have made a lot of mistakes along the way.  Those mistakes are the moral fiber of which I support my life as I live it now.  Those mistakes got me to this point. 

Now don’t go thinking that I am all that…please consider  this…had I done all the right things what would be different?  Let us look at what wouldn’t be… if I had done all the right things and made good judgements.  Well…? I wouldn’t be writing on my blog.(readers, quit applauding!!) I guess I could live with that.  Hmmm..let me think…I wouldn’t have a son named Kellen.  OK..that it!!  I wouldn’t change a thing in my life if it means that I would not have Kellen.  That would mean that I would not have Ellen.  That would mean…well… it would mean that it would be different.  For every bad decision in my life there are a multitude of decisions that were good.  I cannot in good conscience conceive the thought of changing all of the blessings from the present because a bad decision made in my past was changed.

Comments (0) Aug 16 2009

It occured to me the other day that I spend a great deal of time considering topics for my blog.  Like the time that I was thinking of using grateful as the topic of the day.  It certainly was a good idea.  I spent a good amount of time becoming immersed in the subject.  I had a bunch of good points to ponder.  Now all one needs to do is get it down on paper.  Truth be told I became so enraptured with the thoughts that I started something else that was in natural progression to which I lead my life….. Which ever way the wind blows.

I remember months back writing on the exploits of the garden and lawn adventures which required a lot of thought and very little work.  With a month in Iowa and no lawn care coupled with the skeleton of my Scotch heritage rankling my checking account because of water and drainage fees I shut the water off and now the lawn is dead.  Of course it is green but the only thing left living are the weeds that I tried to get rid off.  My son said keep it short and no one will notice.  I did cut it ….but not short.  Can’t let the son be leading before his time.  eh?

With school fast approaching I will soon be paying for all of the indulgences of the summer.  Kellen is sleeping later and later each morning.  He is also staying up later and later.  Anyone seeing a pattern here.  I tell him to go to bed.  Quickly he is in his room.  Just as fast I head to my own room for quiet reflection time with the back of my eyelids.  After minutes of blissful contemplation Kellen is heard crawling into our bedroom.  When asked what he was doing he stated, “Well, Nick was barking and I wanted to make sure that he was OK.  I thought I would come in and tell you that Nick was OK.” 

“Do you want to sleep with us tonight,  Kellen?”I said. 

He bounded into bed with us and was asleep almost before we finished tucking him in beneath the blankets.  He must know that I am at my weakest when I am contemplating.  I had discussed with  Kellen many times the need to sleep in his own bed.   Despite this knowledge he still feels the need to be safe.  He found that need by sleeping with his parents.  Even as I have told him not to sleep in our bed I am loathe to tell him no at night.  When it is dark and the dog is barking.  When the rain is falling and the windows chatter from the precipitation.  When the storm shakes the trees and the wind howls.  

I do not want a son that is afraid of his own shadow.  But at night, after contemplating the back of my eyelids, I am in no mood to say no to my son.  I relish the thought that my son is comforted by sleeping with us.  Dry, warm, and safe beneath the blankets of his parents bed.  To fast will  the nights of wonder replace this special moment in time.  I hope I do no harm to my son for these indulgences.  For it does me immeasurable good.

Comments (0) Aug 11 2009

In  the news this morning Ellen and I were watching the arrival of the two journalists that were detained and tried in North Korea in March of this year.  We had been discussing how this kind of thing works.   One needs to hand it to Bill Clinton for his euphoric charisma that exudes from his person during these tense times.   Yet what really hit me when viewing the scene on TV was the mother of a young child hugging her young daughter.  It wasn’t a hug of greeting.  It was not the perfunctory hug given to children when returning from school.  It appeared to be a hug of desperation.  An act of completion.  A return to being whole again. 

Four months is not a long time in an adults mind.  I remember my freshman year in high school.  The thought of nine weeks of Algerbra almost made my knees weak and trembling.  A whole semester(which is close to four months) almost made me sick.  Then there were the months of seperation during my first marriage.  It really wasn’t a long time yet it still seems an interminable amount of time.   I spent many seasons in construction camps working 7 days a week for four months.  After I married Ellen I often was away from her and the kids for four months or more.  

Where am I going with this?  The distinct difference between my separation and those of the journalist on TV is choice.  True she did make a choice to be involved with news and investigations.  It is true that she went to an area of the world where one is constantly in danger.  I did similar things many many times!!!!  I have to live with those separations.  As does she.  But the moment that choice changes  to no choice or complete lack of control it changes.  Never once have I ever been in a situation that I did not have the freedom for complete access to movements, to my residence, to my friends,  or to my family until…..  

Funny how an instant changes the way you think.  It was recently aboard ship while we were on our latest cruise.  Kellen had asked to go to the kid camp provided by the tour ship.  All I needed to do was show up at 12 o’clock to pick him up.  I am red faced as I type this…  As it happens I was on the Lido deck enjoying the company of my wife and new friends aboard ship.   We had an hour and a half to wake up and to discuss with these friends the plan for our upcoming day at sea.  Everyone was fun.   The conversation was constant.  Needless to say I was having a very good time.  At  12:26 PM I realized that I had failed to pick up Kellen from the kid camp.  I flew out of the chairs with my feet barely touching the sun scorched floors of the ship.  Inside the ship to the starboard door of the camp.  Locked!!  No lights on.  Panic stricken I run to port side of the ship and another access to the kid camp.  Door was locked their as well.  Where is my son?  The minute loss of control in this instance made my heart beat fast and I was having a hard time breathing.  PANIC!!!

How can four minutes of panic be mitigated?  How can four months of involuntary detention be mitigated?  I will tell you how.  A hug.  After the second door was locked I was running around like a chicken with his head cut off.  Should I go back to the room?  Is he at one of the buffet lines?  Could he have ventured off into the pool area?  How do I tell my wife that I had lost my son?  Standing in front of the elevators doors these thoughts rushed over me.  Thankfully,  the elevator was slow.   I was antsy so I returned to the portside door of the kid camp on Lido deck.  It was there that I spied my son, smiling and waving … happily greeting a panic stricken but relieved parent.  Four miutes is a long time.  The thoughts that must have run through the journalists mind during those four months must be horrendous.  My four minutes practically produced a heart attack.

I remember the hug from my son.  I doubt that he will think it memorable.  I remember the feeling of helplessness.  I also remember the complete giving of a hug by my son.  When I saw the hug by the mother and her child  after four months in a prison with no control I was relieved.   To then return to the one that is loved is a gift that should not ever be experienced.   If one does get to have that experience they should consider themselves very lucky to have the control back.  Seeing that mother hug her daughter as she did,  gave me a commonality to the journalists…however fleeting. ..of a moment in time that we both should never  have experienced but are better people because of it.

Comments (0) Aug 05 2009