LDKBox

A friend of mine had an uncomfortable day recently.  At least that is the import of a recent post on a popular Internet site.  Making a decision to leave a job has ramifications to your economy, health, and emotional state.  I completely stand behind my friend in her decision to leave her job.   Although I have not had a personal conversation with her nor have I had any other communication other than the Internet site already mentioned,  it would be my best guess that this decision was not made without some considered thought prior to her action to leave her job. 

Of  course that brings to mind the comment that I made to her about leaving her job.   I told her that she made the right decision in so many words.  I also told her that until I married my wife Ellen I had quit every job that I ever had.  Very few of them took a lot of thought when I made the decision to quit.  I remember telling one boss from years ago that I would stay until it was not fun any more.  Considering that the job was as a hired man on a farm really does place me in a rare bunch.  I enjoyed working on a farm.  I did not mind the smells, dust,  or bugs.   I do draw the line on critters but if I left them alone they left me alone.   As I look back on it there was a whole lot of work.  Physical demanding work.  The kind that makes a man of my age cringe as to the energy that it took to do all of the things that were required of me.  I still managed to sow a few wild oats and I do not think that I was ever late or quit early because of those wild oats days either. 

That brings to mind my thought that the right decision does not necessarily need to be made after considered thought.  I spent 18 months working my tail off and had a good time everyday.  Sure there were things that I did not like to do.  Doesn’t every job have those individual quirks?  I went ahead and did them because they needed to be done.  One has to make a decision as to what is fun and what is not.  That last statement is the way that I judged practically every job that I quit.  When it is not fun….Stop!! 

I wonder how much different my life would be if I had employed good judgement in my life instead of the fun doctrine?  Did good judgement lead me to Alaska after I quit a job in Minnesota?  No… I had $1000 dollars, a wife, and my Dad’s car(I left the car in Iowa).    So we decided to move l to my sister’s house in Alaska and get a job.  I did not have a job..mind you… just that I would get a job(OH,  how I love the positiveness of youth).  How about the time that I did not take a job.  Now that was some good reasoning.  A fellow that knew my sister thought that I would be a good candidate as an apprentice plumber.  With the idea that after apprenticeship… I would be able to handle the plumber’s retail store while this individual would concentrate more on his mechanical contracts with other building contractors.  I remember telling my wife that I did not see myself as the guy that wants to go and clean out someones toilet.  It turns out that this plumber became a major mechanical contractor in Southeast Alaska and he wanted me on his team to build his little empire.  I turned him down and ended up being a dirt head in  building site excavation  and road construction.  Bouncing on iron in inclement weather for weeks at a time in a construction camp often north of the arctic circle away from friends, home, and family.  Yaaa buddy…I sure was having some fun.  ?!!! 

Now that I have retired from all of that fun I must admit that most everything would have been different in my life had I used good judgement in making those life changing decisions.   Sure I could have applied myself in high school and actually learned Algebra, Geometry, and Calculus.  I could have beat both Bill Gates and Al Gore in designing a computer and the way of the Internet.  But that did not happen.  Good judgement or not it is what it is.  I certainly have made a lot of mistakes along the way.  Those mistakes are the moral fiber of which I support my life as I live it now.  Those mistakes got me to this point. 

Now don’t go thinking that I am all that…please consider  this…had I done all the right things what would be different?  Let us look at what wouldn’t be… if I had done all the right things and made good judgements.  Well…? I wouldn’t be writing on my blog.(readers, quit applauding!!) I guess I could live with that.  Hmmm..let me think…I wouldn’t have a son named Kellen.  OK..that it!!  I wouldn’t change a thing in my life if it means that I would not have Kellen.  That would mean that I would not have Ellen.  That would mean…well… it would mean that it would be different.  For every bad decision in my life there are a multitude of decisions that were good.  I cannot in good conscience conceive the thought of changing all of the blessings from the present because a bad decision made in my past was changed.

Comments (0) Aug 16 2009

As is usually the case my wife and I were sitting around the kitchen table this morning doing our morning thing of banter, coffee, internet, coffee, TV, coffee, wake up of the kids, and more coffee.  It is here that I get the information of the day.  During one of the news breaks  provided by the local TV station in Temple, Texas we were informed of a soldier who was going to the brig for disobeying a direct order.  He was sentenced to 30 days hard labor, demoted to private, and most likely put out of the army upon completion of his sentence.  

A little background information.   Age 24, male, joined in 2005, already served a tour in Iraq, soldier of good standing, then refused a direct order to go back to Iraq.

Why is  this of interest to me?  I am not a former serviceman.  Consequently I do not have any war stories.  Although the war of excuses that I have lived may or may not be harrowing I am sure that this soldier does have harrowing stories.  I connected to this serviceman because of my respect for him. 

Respect by defintion is: 

I do have great repsect for his judgement.  He has done something that I chose not to do.  He chose to enter into the military.  I chose not to enter the military.  By making that choice to enter into the military he chose to deploy to Iraq.  I chose not to. (I know that I was not into the military but with my writing style I need all the help I can get to make this seem like we have something in common)  Soooo…all we have in common is choice ?  Well au contraire?…!  I relate to him by what I live by, “Do what you say and Say what you do.  Simple but covers it all if one lives up to the code.   A code innate to any honorable man.  What is fair is fair…correct?   I think this soldier is an honorable man and I will tell you why.  He has been there, He has done that, and he doesn’t want to do it again,  and he is willing to bear the consequences of his actions.  He is doing something that I may or may not agree with but I can certainly stand behind his obvious determination to do what he thinks is right.

I always tell my wife that I am willing to do most anything once…as long as it is not illegal, immoral, or draws blood.  When I do it a second time it is because I want to do it.  I climbed a rock wall in a quarry once.  Won’t do that again…willingly..??!  I took a certain friend of mine hunting on my boat once…Won’t do it again…ever!  I even attempted a deer hunt in Southeast Alaska using a river boat to travel the sea.  Won’t do that again for sure!  Ya,  I know I have a million of them.  OK,  one more.  I worked on an oil burning furnace ignitor’s electrical system once…I got shocked!!!  Need I say more?

So what I am saying is that I understand the commitment.  Only he knows what he experienced in Iraq.  Only he knows the justification that would cause him to loose his status in the military by his refusal to submit to a lawful order.  I must admit that if he had entered into the military and refused the first order to go to Iraq I would have a different mind set.  There is conscientious objector status plus some other considerations but it is not in the same venue so it is incomparable.  Everyone reaches their limit.  I know that I have reached many limits in my life because of the code that I live by.  Apparently, his limit had been reached.  I can respect that.

I am pretty sure that this soldier is going to be put out of the arm.  I am also pretty sure that he will recieve either a less than honorable discharge to a dishonorable discharge from the Army.  Because of my code this soldier will have to bear the consequences without me giving any support what so ever.  He admits his guilt.  It is not like this kid chickened out.  Can’t someone come to the point where they just do not want to do it anymore?  I have …and have already stated some of them.  Today’s professional soldier must consider death and all of its ramifications up to an including their own death.  Is not offering up one’s life in service of your country once …enough?  Hmmm… Not according to my code.  I hate codes……..!

Comments (0) Aug 06 2009

Anger is a facet of my life that has always been an enigma to me.   Some use the anger within themselves to fuel the fire that burns in side  of them.  The effect is that of a steam engine.  Heavy, powerful, and strait forward.  Some use anger as a control feature of their mind.  That is a regimented person.  Some use anger as their way to problem solve.   Erupt in anger to cover up.  That is the dogma of insecurity.  There are others but I shall only address these. 

The steam engine anger is a real and ever present force in the world where I grew up.  I watched it in the movies of my youth.  The TV shows  that showed that using the seething fire of anger will over power evil and jump buildings in a single bound or something to that effect.  On the Andy Griffith’s show his son Opie was almost beaten by the yard bully when he let his anger go and  bopped that bully right on the nose.  The bully went home crying.   Opie became King of the yard…  until he got home.  If I remember correctly Andy let him know that anger needs to have a throttle.  Push the throttle to far ahead and you lose your head of steam.   Pull it to far back and the steam builds up to fast and you need to let off steam that should have been used in a more positive light.  Either way is detrimental.  With the ability to use steam engine anger one needs to use  spring tensioners to control the throttle of the boiler full of steam.  Those spring tensioners are faith, family and experience.  Faith provides the higher power with a written rule book of what is right and what is wrong.  Family is to show how love can make a difference.  Experience tends to be the grease on the hinge so the throttle moves smoothly and incrementally to allow a smooth adjustment to get the job done and keep that head of steam.   There is only one problem with the use of the anger steam engine….It takes lot of fuel to keep that head of steam.  I found that I did not have the intestinal fortitude to use that engine and get consistent results.   The fire went out in the box.  Whether it was lack of effort to feed the boiler or lack of fuel either way the end result still remains more than a little suspect.  At least to me….? 

The regimented mind does not let anger get  in the way.  It compartmentalizes the problems and keeps them at bay by storing them.  All the while straightening the  back and heading into the wind pulling the compartmentalized problems behind like a covered wagon.  Effective housing of these compartmentalized problems in the covered wagon is mitigated by the need to maintain control when traversing rugged ground.  Balance is not as easy to implement as it is to think about.  Concern for the compartments tends to become secondary when the load shifts suddenly because of the terrain.  It is the measured teamster that holds the reins, controls the wagon, and avoids the shifts of the load.   Needless to say that did not work for me either.  Unfortunately for the same reason  as I stated for the steam engine anger the regimented anger did not work for me either. 

The last anger mentioned, dogma insecurity,  is the one that I employed.  I learned from some of the best blowhards in the business.   Blowing smoke became  the order of the day,year and decade.  Decades to be even more exact.   Don’t let anyone know that you do not know anything.  By employing this method one is guaranteed to make the smoke so thick that the only one that loses sight of the objective is the one blowing  the smoke.  I doubt it is different than any other endeavour that one partakes in but in my world of dirt construction the blowhard was on every job.  It wasn’t until years later that I realized that I was the blow hard with smoke bellowing out of my ….(I will let my readers pick the term to use…this time…LOL!).   To be honest I was lucky that I made it as long as I did.  Spending so many years complaining about everything from the weather, people,  machinery,  or the terrain I found that excuses were  aplenty.  It was always somebody else that was the problem.  If you don’t believe me then I will become angry and blow smoke out my…(again I will let my readers choose the term).  After twenty years of blowing smoke I got tired.  From where I was at at the time it looked like I had no where to go but up.   Failed marriages, lack of steady emplyment, no home, and living out of the kindness of others.   That is what ”s called , “hitting bottom”,  in Twelve step program circles.  Once at the bottom you can look at things different.  It is to bad that it hurts to realize that they way one chose could be the wrong way.  Another twelve step addage…once you realize that you made a mistake….admit it and try to make amends.

What this post really is trying to say is that we all make mistakes.  Some accept them better than others.  Making an excuse never made it better.  It is just making an excuse.   Getting angry is the least productive motivating engine one can employ.  Funny how many use this way to deal with life.  It is all consuming and debilitating.   A process that erodes  mental worth.  Anger diminishes the ability relate.  Anger begats blame.  Blame begats lack of self respect.  Lack of self respect makes it easier to justify bad behavior.    The vicious circle that anger creates doesn’t end until we submit to being powerless.  

I am glad that I have my faith.  I would recommend it to anyone.  All one  needs to do is ask. for help.

Comments (0) Aug 05 2009